I
was recently asked by someone to attend an NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meeting
with them. As I support their endeavor, I was very glad to attend the
meeting. It became clear to me that I was meant to be there. I was
given a perspective on how people with substance abuse issues feel and it
wasn't far from how I myself have felt many times. As people began to
share their struggles with daily life and staying clean, they used the words
"I am not normal" and "I wish I could be like "normal"
people." It struck my soul hard that I should have spoken up at the
meeting, but I didn't feel it was my place or venue to do so. If I did
speak up, I would have said..."what's normal?" Each one of us
struggles with something. I may not fight with the addiction of substances,
but I fight with the addiction of co-dependency. That was, and sometimes
is, still my drug of choice. Co-dependency lead my whole life by my
"training" others (unknowingly) to treat me as the one who was to fix
their problems, right the wrongs and pony up money to help them when they could
not help themselves. The problem with that is because I always fixed
everything, they never learned to take care of themselves and the cycle began.
This cycle perpetuated since I was a young girl into my adulthood
until I physically, emotionally and mentally broke - my body's way of saying
"enough!" As a co-dependent (or in layman's terms - enabler),
there was no way to go but down into the deep abyss of major depression and
hopelessness. The most valuable lesson I can teach to others is to know
you ARE perfect. Truly - we are always trying to fix ourselves to feel
loved, valued, and important but how can we ask others to treat us with the
respect and love we desire if we do not love ourselves? Isn't that the
first step in turning the cycle around? In my case, instead of loving
myself, I turned to fixing others as a way to be valued and loved. For
many, they turn to substances because they don't like themselves (let alone
love themselves) and to "feel" emotions of any kind is too painful so
it is easier to numb the feelings. Once we are able to see this truth,
our thoughts change, the way we treat ourselves change and our lives change.
It can be no other way. Each one of us has the ability to heal our
lives if we simply allow ourselves to peak under the shield we have created and
love ourselves. Yes, it takes works but isn't our lives and the lives we
affect around us worth it? In Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your
Life, she expresses that "if we are willing to do the mental work,
almost anything in our life can be healed." Louise explains how
limiting beliefs and ideas are often the cause of illness, and how you can
change your thinking...and improve the quality of your life! This book was the
first book I read that made sense to me and allowed me to start looking at how
my thoughts were affecting my life. Know you are perfect, whole and
complete as you are. So, throw away the idea of "normal" and
revel in the fact that you are unique! I don't know one person who is
truly "normal" and if I did, I think they would be boring!
Every thought we think is creating our future.
- Louise L. Hay
Labels: cella, cella's chat, depression, healing, Narcotics Anonymous