Does Your Story Affect Your Life?

What's your story?  Everyone has a story and it is the use of this story which affects the lives we live.  Recently, I attended a weekend workshop and by the end of this workshop it became evident how our stories affect us in ways we cannot imagine.  The key is to understand that until the first “traumatic” event happens in your life (which is the beginning of the stories we create), life IS perfect.  And then what…something happens.  At 8 years old, what happened in my life (as a way of example) was that a man came to the door one night.  Tall, dark and scary to this shy, blonde-haired girl (I really was at that time, no kidding!), this man presented me with a birthday present.  A yellow ski jacket, a memory I will never forget.  I had no idea why this stranger would do such a thing.  What was his motivation?  Was he an old friend of my parents who knew I had a birthday coming and wanted to give me a gift?  At 8 years of age, I really wasn't in a position to super-analyze the situation.  Coming home from school the next day and living my routine which included watching “The Electric Company” (remember that show?), my mom and “dad” sat me down at the kitchen table to explain to me that the man I met the night before was really my father.  “WHAT!”  How could this be?  How could the man I have been calling dad for the past 8 years not really be my dad?  Does he love me like a real daughter?  Why did my “real” father leave?  My real father has dark hair and my dad (who I thought was my real father - are you following?) has blonde hair, doesn’t that mean anything?  So, my little girl's mind started to create a story around that event.  As life went on, other “traumatic” events happened and more stories were created (i.e., I am not worthy, I am not loved, I am not valued, if I am not a good girl, people will leave).  As time went on, the stories I created lead me to be a caregiver.  I trained people that if they came to me, I would do my best to fix all of their problems.  In the long run this caused resentment, anger and illness and eventually to the event that happened to me in 2008.  That is one of my examples, but here is another “story” that perhaps you can relate to or you know someone who is actually living this story.  Say your spouse is an alcoholic.  What happened is they are an alcoholic.  Nothing more, nothing less.  But living with an alcoholic brings about many family dramas and traumas.  Perhaps this person becomes belligerent or abusive (physically or verbally), you forgive this behavior because "they are an alcoholic and when they are sober they really don’t act that way and they don’t mean to hit me or yell at me, they are really good and I can’t leave because I am stuck and..." so on and on and on.  Do you see the story?  We stop living our best possibilities because the vicious cycle our story perpetuates is our inability to go forward.  In that example, the alcoholic's behavior is excused and the person convinces themselves that they are stuck in that situation for various reasons.  We also identify ourselves with a title.  For me it was (after my 2008 incident)... "Hi, I’m Marcie, survivor of suicide attempt."  Yes, sounds harsh, but that one moment in my life was simply something that happened.  That event changed my life and it caused me to experience a rebirth so that I now use my story to heal many, but it isn’t my identity.  No different than people we meet and they say, “hi, I’m so and so and I’m disabled, or I’m the CEO of ABC Corp., etc.?”  We become attached to a title.  Perhaps that is because many people don't even know who they are as their identity is caught up with all of the titles, incidents and life events that have transpired.  If you stripped it all away, who are you really?  Get it?  I invite you to look at your life and identify areas where life is not working and why?  What stories have you created?  Have you become a victim to that story (or stories), feeling sorry for the character you have created which will not allow you to completely live the beautiful life you were meant to live?  I would love to hear from you if you have a story you need help dissecting or want to discuss or explore ways to heal from the patterns you have created in your life which have negatively impacted you and those around you.  Separate the stories from what happened and you will create endless possibilities in your life.  No more excuses!  You create your own reality.  - Jane Roberts