Like a rainbow sending me a message (and what a rainbow it was!), excitement is stirring as this week also marked a solar eclipse which inspired the closing of old doors and fears and opening up new doors. The saying of "let go and let God" I never understood so much as I do now. This week I was able to finally close a chapter of my old life that was still holding me back like an invisible fence. I also faced old resentments in my family that have tantalized my soul for as long as I can remember, and forgiven the person who caused (and still causes) these feelings, perhaps seeing this person for the first time with different eyes. Not "allowing" the behavior but "forgiving" the behavior for the shear fact that they haven't come to terms with their own karma and victimhood. I finally understand that my job is to just love them while I set up my own parameters for healthy living. Always a fundamental lesson that we cannot change others and can only work on ourselves. I never said it was easy. In fact, I find this one of the hardest things I have ever done, to bless and let go of the guilt and manipulation that has been played out in my life in order to solicit a reaction from me. It is part of forgiveness. Again, this brings me back to the book "Radical Forgiveness" by Colin Tipping as a book that helped me understand and navigate the complexities of how we continue to attract circumstances into our lives until we learn to accept, forgive and change our pattern. It is never easy is to watch someone you love self-destruct while playing the "why me" card. The lesson here is that as long as I can see the situation for what it is, I can bless it and let it go. Just because I have a picture of a certain reality for this person, my own expectations, doesn't mean they have the same expectations for themselves. This allows me to move forward with grace. When people disappoint us it is always because our reality of what they should be doing doesn't match the reality they have come to live by. Sometimes their reality seems contradictory to what is right or self-destructive. It has taken many years (and something I still cope with), but I now get that they must live it their way to learn the lessons and my stepping in and "fixing" it is not fixing anything but my own emotions over the situation. In reality, it isn't helping them AND, perhaps I am only doing the fixing to soothe my own soul. So, Powerful, right? Words to think about. As I continue to work on forgiving and understanding these concepts, I am able to take care of myself in a way which provides an environment to heal myself and, therefore, heal others from a place of purety. Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives.
― Louise L. Hay