The Relationship Upheaval

holistic treatment for depression and anxiety Relationships take a great toll during one partner's dive into depression.  And, this isn't just the relationship with the partner (spouse) but also with everyone who is in your life.  A sense of losing the person you are is so great and for all other people watching the woeful demise of their loved one - it is unbearable at times.  To view one who was always so strong sink into an abyss of illness, fogginess and everyday sadness is just as detrimental to the one watching as it is to the one experiencing this.  As a personal account of this time, I felt I was letting everyone in my life down.  My children and husband suffered the most.  This is a disease (yes, it is a disease) of sadness for all involved because you cannot "see" depression, only the effects it has on the person's body or psyche and on the changing of the family dynamics.  If only I could relay to a loved one what it is like to be inside of a depressed person's head.  I went from reading, journaling and functioning to living in a state of fogginess that I can only surmise is like a drug addict's fog filled delusional thinking during the time of their high.  Actually, feeling like that made me realize I NEVER want to take drugs because that's messed up!  The person experiencing depression usually goes to great lengths (until they can no longer do it) to appear totally normal and function as such but really, it is a great act that takes place on a daily basis thinking we are fooling everyone but fooling no one.  Usually the partner acts supportive and understanding at first, but as the time ticks on and they see their partner not responding normally and acting lethargic and despondent to the joys of life, they start to shrink and pull away.  Hence, the merry-go-round starts transpiring in a relationship that once seemed so strong to barely holding on.  Kids are often left to wonder what the heck it wrong with their parent and sometimes even stopping going to that parent for help or advice.  For the depressed person who is already struggling, this just about adds to the icing on the cake and you tend to sink deeper down feeling totally useless!

My advice is for the family members of the depressed to please understand the disease.  Support your loved one as they struggle with this.  Participate in counseling, wrap your arms around them know they are loved and secure.  For the person with the depression, never give up and show your family are you are trying to get help.  Love yourself and be patient.  With the help of professionals, medication, love and support, you CAN conquer this and a family should come out of this closer and more understanding than ever.  "You don't have to control you thoughts.  You just have to stop letting them control you."  Big hugs sent out to all my friends suffering.  Namaste.